When someone that you love dearly has given you so much pain, would you still allow them to enter your life once again?
There are significant individuals in your life that may have hurt or disappointed you at some point. When this happens, the usual defense mechanism that you turn to is anger, hate, and resentment. Some even hold on to grudges over a long period. Latching onto this heavy feeling is pointless, especially if you are expecting your enemy to feel it as well. During one conversation with a CEU mentor, he tackled about the broad aspect of pain, disappointment, and forgiveness. It was a great conversation and the wisdom he imparted was life-changing.
Below are some of the things that he said that might help heal your wounds and consider forgiving someone:
- When you are angry, refrain from opening your mouth. This might be the last thing you want to do when you are angry, but it’s effective. Venting out and speaking up shouldn’t be your first move when tension raises since it will only add fuel to the problem and result to irreversible damages. When you are angry, think and keep quiet, never open your mouth until it subsides.
- Be the bigger, better person. When you practice this mindset, you prevent the natural human nature to win over the situation, which is to get even and do the same thing done to you. Always be the bigger person by not doing the similar horrible and unspeakable acts someone did, to hurt your feelings or make you angry. Though several things were carried out deliberately, never stoop down to that same low level and follow the same stunt that you distaste since it caused you great amount of pain.
- Look at yourself in the mirror and reflect. Analyze yourself and determine if you may have done something wrong to the other person that may have triggered them to hurt you. Identify your faults and be forgiving of your own mistakes. By thinking and meditating about the things you might have said or done to the other party is not martyrdom and it doesn’t perceive that you are trying to justify their wrong doing. Instead, it is only a way to decrease the anger and pain that you are carrying by recognizing your own mistakes and errors and accepting them. This is the fundamental key to understand the person that hurt you.
- Allow time to heal your hurts. This is a cliché but eventually, it always works. Ever remember someone saying that “Time heals all wounds”, but since you are amid anger and resentment, it didn’t just make sense. Oftentimes, you even swore to never forgive the person due to the pain and sorrow that they’ve caused you. At some point, you might have thought about cutting all your ties with them once and for all. But think about, if you give yourself and the other party enough time, space, and distance, it wouldn’t be so hard to give each other your forgiveness.
- Love and concern. This is the most important reason that will make you capable of forgiving someone who has hurt you in the past. Allowing your love and concern for them will throw away your anger and your bad intentions will make the process of forgiveness more genuine and heartfelt. This technique is very effective and will give you a new perspective on forgiving people.
- Look back at the happy times. When thinking of reasons why you should forgive someone and give them another chance, you only choose to think about the things that you want to see. The moment that you decide to forgive and give people second chances, look back to the times when you love the person so much and the happy moments that you’ve shared. Appreciate the other person and empathize with what they are going through. This will help you become sincere with your effort to forgive them.
When you let your good nature in charge and understand the other part for the sake of your love and concern for them, you don’t have to think about many reasons as to why you should pardon the painful acts they have done. Protect yourself from trouble and additional pain, and begin to combat your anger and restore the relationship that was gone.
Always remember that you are not only forgiving someone because you can’t imagine life without them, but you’re also doing this for your good, realizing that caring and loving is much better than holding on to grudges, anger, pain, and regrets. You’ll discover that after you’ve forgiven yourself and your loved one, your decision to take the road of understanding and love is just right.
Forgiving and letting go of the hurt in our lives will provide us with the strength to finally work through the rough patches and bumps along the way. Freeing your heart of excess baggage will ultimately help you move forward and embrace the happiness that is meant for you.
This is your life and your mental health if you are not happy, then, by all means, go change things. It can only get better if you make it happen.